The Other Side's guide to becoming a lesbian

After having had several discussions with people and through empirical observation, we offer you a complete beginner's guide to becoming a lesbian:

1. Come up with a cool/ghetto nickname. Let's say your name is Betty. Start telling people to call you Bex. Or Bets. Or BT. Be creative.

2. Change your name on Facebook, whether to protect your identity or just for kicks, use these examples to think of something: Stardust Fantasy, or Estrogenous Delusion, or Sugarhigh Delirium, or Phantasmagorical Orgasmatron, Phallic Renunciation, or maybe Battlestar Galactica.

3. Style tips. Can't help you here. Your fashion should shout out "I'm an emancipated woman!" loud. Note that there is a difference between an emancipated woman and an emo.

4. Embrace certain ideas, theories and discourses. Things like, why is gender so important? What is it for, apart from limiting and labeling us?
Also, engage in intellectual masturbation and discussions that will get you nowhere.

5. Giggle.

6. Watch The L-Word. Watch it alone or plan a marathon. (and always remember, you are gay, but not gay enough to watch Grey's Anatomy.)

7. Giggle.

8. Start sleeping around. We need to get that chart filled up!

9. Revolt against people who tell you who to be and what to do (example: the people writing this), because the personal is political.

I hope this helps.

My pet peeves

Dear faithful readers,
After receiving lots and lots of complaints about not having posted anything in a long time, I am back again.
After sleepless nights of creative constipation, I've come up with something to keep my readers alive and going.
Readers, it's time for me to open up to you. It's time to talk about my pet peeves.

People pet peeves:

• People who don't wash their hands.
• People who think they are intellectuals, but are not.
• People who don't shut up in class.
• People who turn around and shut other people up in class (bastard).
• People who wear shirts or other clothing articles with the labels sticking out.
• Cab drivers.
• That ventriloquist guy who everybody finds "funny".
• People with politically correct humor.
• Pseudo-leftists. Okay, leftists.
• Rightists.
• People who need to define their political stance. And God forbid, it shouldn't be leftist.
• Corporations (legally speaking, they are considered "people").
• Stupid people and dumb airheads.
• Nietzsche.
• Rude people.
• People who think they know all the secrets of life just cos' they wrote The Alchemist.
• People who work in marketing.
• People who have weird goodbyes.
• People, who like, do like bad stuff like drugs and like have sex like dressed in like sutffed animal costumes. Like, I don't know.
• People who say 'like' every other syllable.
• People who love peer reviewing other people's papers or assignments.
• People who argue without significant background information about the subject being argued about.
• People who think airline food is tasty.
• People who think everybody can be manipulated.
• People who touch other people's stuff with their hands dirty or greasy.
• Britney fans.
• Show offs.
  
• People who like watching Dr. Phil.
• People who watch trash TV, those lame TV series included.
• People who think Grey's Anatomy is a television breakthrough.
• Those spoiled brats and bitches from Laguna Beach and The Hillz.
  
• People who think that having a sense of humor could kill them.
  
• People who think they are cool enough to write about their pet peeves on their blog.
  

This is just a small list. My dear readers, what are your pet peeves? Send in your contributions.