The Other Side's guide to becoming a lesbian

After having had several discussions with people and through empirical observation, we offer you a complete beginner's guide to becoming a lesbian:

1. Come up with a cool/ghetto nickname. Let's say your name is Betty. Start telling people to call you Bex. Or Bets. Or BT. Be creative.

2. Change your name on Facebook, whether to protect your identity or just for kicks, use these examples to think of something: Stardust Fantasy, or Estrogenous Delusion, or Sugarhigh Delirium, or Phantasmagorical Orgasmatron, Phallic Renunciation, or maybe Battlestar Galactica.

3. Style tips. Can't help you here. Your fashion should shout out "I'm an emancipated woman!" loud. Note that there is a difference between an emancipated woman and an emo.

4. Embrace certain ideas, theories and discourses. Things like, why is gender so important? What is it for, apart from limiting and labeling us?
Also, engage in intellectual masturbation and discussions that will get you nowhere.

5. Giggle.

6. Watch The L-Word. Watch it alone or plan a marathon. (and always remember, you are gay, but not gay enough to watch Grey's Anatomy.)

7. Giggle.

8. Start sleeping around. We need to get that chart filled up!

9. Revolt against people who tell you who to be and what to do (example: the people writing this), because the personal is political.

I hope this helps.