The Other Side's guide to becoming a lesbian, pt. 2

Remember our previous, priceless guide to becoming a dyke?
Well, ever since then our people never really did stop their research. We have spent days observing, weeks without shaving, and months eating nothing but nkha'at (sheep brain) sandwiches with extra garlic.
People of gender and no gender, here is our follow-up guide to becoming a lesbian:

1. By now, you should have slept with everyone in your lesbian social circle. Next step: drama. Oh, yeah.

2. Have you been engaging in discussions and arguments that get you nowhere? Good. Now it's time to move away from academia and focus on media. If there are any articles, books or films that make you angry (and let's face it, it does not take a lot to get you angry), lash out!!

3. Play Mafia Wars on Facebook.

4. Giggle some more.

5. Play more Mafia Wars (spend days playing it. our researchers have found that it is a crucial prerequisite, but they are still trying to find explanations).

6. Protest against anything and add it to your 'feminist' causes.

7. Join the world conference-jet-set: attend conferences on sexuality, gender and class equality, feminism, queer media forums etc... that take place in the coolest cities around the world. You might learn nothing from them, but it's a good opportunity to meet girls and fill up your chart.

8. If you are against 'white' dominance, capitalism, governments, gender 'binaries', religious indoctrination, and any kind of other dominance, then you are still in your teenage rebellious phase and got issues (that was our psychoanalytical team's conclusion). Our conclusion: don't call yourself a feminist for fear of a lawsuit from the zeitgeist 'movement' supporters, anti-globalizationists, anarchists or hippies who have embraced these causes before you.

9. If you find it all too difficult, escape. There is nothing like Mafia Wars.

Good luck.